August 16, 1992

98 km through Freiloissing and Chieming to a campsite near Priem, Germany.

In the morning we could not decide where to go, either south to Gross Glockner or east to Munich. Jon ended up flipping a coin and Munich won, so we are headed to Germany. The weather was sunny and warm. The first half of the day was through flat farmland and the second half was along a gravel bikepath which circles the Chiemsee. We went further than we had anticipated because we were unable to find a campground that was not full.

Some of the old irritations are starting to surface. This is not a good sign. The biggest problem I can foresee is that I, this being my fifth time in Europe, have little interest in tourbook sightseeing. Jon on the other hand, wants to do the big city museum trip. Jon also wants to follow a route he found in a guidebook, while I prefer making my own routes.

August 17, 1992

89 km through Bad Endorf and Emmering to Thalkinder Campground in Munich.

A warm and sunny day with rolling hills terrain and occasional forests. Rode a bike path the last 15 kilometers into Munich. Spent the next three days in being a tourist in Munich and trying to deal with cycling with Jon. After that time, and after hours of discussion and argument, we decided that our different approaches to touring could not readily be resolved and that it would be best for each of us to ride solo.

August 20, 1992

67 km through Wolfurthausen to a forest near Wessobrun.

Jon and I went our separate ways today. I was up at 7:00 and rode off on Burton. It was a tough day of soul searching and feelings of sadness and disappointment because things had not worked out better with Jon.

Through the trials of the past few days I realized that there is a deep, underlying problem for me, and this is my profound sense of worthlessness combined with my guilt for the pain I have caused others (as much as I would like to be, I am no Nietzschean "Ubermensch"). I also have a deepening sense of the absurdity and the loneliness of the life I have chosen. I try to cover this up with the pretense of Zen, but this is inadequate when I am truly suffering. I also LEFT it through the seeking of ecstasy (i.e. sex, this bike trip). But ecstasy is that rarest of things that cannot be willed.

Where am I going? Until Jon arrived I thought I was on the right track, even if I had not gotten there yet. Now I am not so sure. I am again filled with guilt and remorse. I know I have hurt Jon, even though he would never acknowledge it. I am sure he would now say that he is as happy as a lark. I have been thinking of Marlene and the night I saw her sobbing over Zooey's death. I had never seen her sob before and I realized that she had once sobbed like that for me. And I am thinking of Olivia and our last tearful conversation. She said "everybody says you are a monster, but I know you are a good, kind man". I have also been thinking of Jung Sook. How much pain I caused that fragile psyche!

I am lonely tonight, for the first time on this trip. But I do not want to be with people. I have no goal now. I am aimless and profoundly alone in the quiet of a forest. How I wish there were a soothing stream nearby to ease my pain--to make me aware of the flow of life.

I must choose soon. My goal of an around the world trip is gone as I cannot do Asia alone. But was the goal of that trip legitimate to begin with? I know that I will go back to American and I sense that I must submerge myself into life through people. I must rid myself of this misanthropic impulse which is a product of my anger. I must stop being a hermit. I sense that the only ultimate salvation is in other people.

August 21, 1992

90 km through Kaufbeuren and Ebersbach to a forest near Kunrotshofen.

As soon as it became dark last night a thunderstorm, the likes of which I have never seen began. A series of lightning flashes (like a light bulb being switched on and off at high speed) continued for at least two hours, accompanied by a continual rolling thunder, punctuated with ear-splitting claps. Rain was pouring down as though a dam had burst in the sky, and the rush of wind through the trees gave me a sense of mortal danger. For-tunately, I had selected a wind protected area or I am afraid my tent would have flown away.

Being in a depressed and confused state of mind, I saw this storm as a sign--of what, I am not sure. I wonder if Jon, who is only a few miles away, is experiencing this incredible display of nature. The Alps certainly do create the fireworks. This is the 6th or 7th thunder and lightning show I have experienced, although this is by far the most spectacular.

The ride today, in sunny and warm weather, was through rolling farmland, punctuated by an occasional small forest and many friendly villages. The German towns are neither as comfortable nor as picturesque as their Austrian counterparts. However, the people are just as friendly. I do like the way the clerks say "auf wiedersehen" even though I realize that it is the equivalent of "have a good day". It is also nice to be greeted by people.

I had some problem finding decent roads (I am too cheap to spring for the innumerable bike maps that Germany has). The roads are almost always narrow, which necessitates that drivers cross over the center line to pass. This is alright on lightly traveled roads but is a bit uncomfortable on stretches (of which I had several today) where there is heavy traffic. I had a lot of white knuckle, white line riding today.

I spent much of the day conversing with Jon in my mind (if nothing else, Jon is always stimulating). One of our minor conflicts was over the use of time. Jon spoke often about "wasting" time, and I realized how alien this concept has become to me. The Buddhists do not believe in time, instead believing that there is only "now". I think that on this trip I have come to adopt and accept this idea. Jon made me realize that I have not felt that I have "wasted" a minute on this trip. Before Jon arrived I almost never felt time pressured. When it took me 5 hours to replace a spoke in Austria I felt neither time pressured nor that this was time wasted. For me, that time was as richly spent as five hours in a museum. I hope that this attitude can carry over when I return to America.

August 22, 1992

87 km through Leutkirch and Fronhofen to the forest near Krauchenweis.

The rains started early today and I set up my tent about 6:00. I am not visible from the road but I am clearly visible to anyone who walks into the forest, so I might get "caught" tonight. Since the Germans are very keen on rules and order, I would not be surprised if someone reported me if I am seen.

A lot of up and down riding today, and the ride in the morning seemed as though it was all uphill. I'm not sure if this was due to a lack of energy on my part or if I was actually climbing (it is difficult to tell on many of these roads).

Last night there was another thunder, lightning and rain show. I was looking forward to it and have started to immensely enjoy these nightly spectacles. How nice it is that it rains when it gets dark and is sunny all day--I'm sure it has something to do with the proximity of the Alps.

Had a problem with food again today. As usual, everything shut down at noon. I knew this, but since I was going through several larger towns I thought I could find something open. No such luck. So I had less than two full meals today and did not even get an adequate supply of soda. I have only water and cigarettes tonight, and my water is short so I may go thirsty for awhile.

I've noticed that the Germans seem very non-aggressive. I feel comfortable in the towns and have yet to meet an aggressively anti-social person. The Germans are certainly law-abiding, which is a good trait so long as the rules are reasonable. Of course, we know the Germans are just as zealous in obeying unjust laws.

I had a difficult day with my rear tire today. I have had six flat tires since I met Jon (4 of them were on the tube that he gave me in Salzburg). I was beginning to think that the rear wheel was cursed as every tire put on it would go flat. But I bought a new tube in Weingarten and it seems to be holding up. I also replaced the spare tire I had on my rear wheel with the original tire.

It was really psychologically tough to get going this morning. I stopped several times to lay on the grass and stare at the sky. By noon I had only gone 20 km. I picked up in the afternoon however, particularly after I managed to find a quiet road (from Weingarten to Ostrach).

The rain is letting up, which is actually not good as it increases my chance of discovery. Oh well, it will be dark soon.

August 23, 1992

89 kilometers through Muhlheim to an independent youth hostel in Donaueschingen.

Cloudy with a strong headwind, and rain in the morning for about two hours. The entire route today (except for the first 8 kilometers) was on the Donau Radweg, the bicycle path that parallels the Donau (Danube) River. This is obviously an extremely popular route as I passed several hundred cyclists during the day. Among these cyclists were a few Americans, who I recognized by their greetings as they biked by. Most of the terrain was spectacular with steep, forested hills rising on both sides of the Danube. The river itself alternately grew and shriveled in size--depending on where the dams were. At one point the river bed became completely dry. A sign indicated that the river went underground for a short distance at this point.

Although it was wonderful to cruise along on a bike path, it was a psychologically tough day due to the strong headwind. I am still having a problem getting motivated, and this was not helped by the normal Sunday food shortage. This problem was joyously resolved when I arrived in Tuttlingen and, unexpectedly, found an open Turkish Imbiss. There I stuffed myself with the biggest döner kebap (pocket bread filled with lamb, onion, red cabbage, peppers and a mayonaise sauce) that I had ever seen.

The terrain became wide open farm land about 10 kilometers before Donaueschingen, so I was strapped for a free camping site. When I arrived in town I discovered that there was an independent hostel that was reasonably priced (15 DM) so I decided to treat myself for the night. With only 18 bunks (and only one other guest), the hostel was cozy and had a counterculture feel about it. The manager, who had just returned from a trip to Seattle, spoke fluent English and offered to drive me to another Imbiss for supper. There I had my second döner kebap of the day. I have become quite addicted to this Turkish food. They are delicious and cheap, and are the only real fast food (besides bratwurst) that one finds in German towns. Unlike other European countries, Germany does not have many fast food places, and they are almost non-existent in towns under 20,000.

I don't know what to do about this low-energy problem I am having. It might have something to do with my diet (I know I am not getting enough calories, or all the necessary vitamins). It also probably has something to do with the fact my plans were screwed up by the fiasco with Jon. I am still not sure where I am headed or what I will do when I return to the United States. I certainly have been giving it a great deal of thought.

I have been reading more Henry Miller ("Sexus") and find that it invariably lifts my spirits. I do not find his work erotic (in fact I find some of the sex parts irritating because they detract from the myriad of ideas he is expressing). Mostly I enjoy it because it is so life affirming and joyous.

I went for a walk around town (population @50,000) and found nothing open except a couple of yuppie cafes. The only vending machines I've seen in Germany (Europe for that matter) are for cigarettes. How nice it would be to have a coke machine on these thirsty weekends!

I spent the night talking with the hostel owner in the small, Australian motifed, bar attached to the hostel. The music being played was that of Leonard Cohen and Don MacLean, so there was a very pleasant background to the evening. The manager had traveled widely and had spent 9 months hitchhiking across the United States. He had also lived in Australia for four years. He told me that he had been on the notorious Continental Air Lines flight where the door blew off, sucking two stewardesses out of the plane. He said that he had heard an explosion, and then the plane was filled with rushing air. Nobody had any idea what had happened, and didn't know until the plane landed about half an hour after the incident. He said that Continental then repaired the door and prepared to take off. Not surprisingly, less than half the passengers reboarded.

August 24, 1992

65 km through Titisee to Freiburg.

The first 35 kilometers today seemed like they were all uphill, even though the landscape did not seem to indicate it. I thought I was having an energy problem until I hit the crest at Titisee. From that point on it was an exhilirating 30 km downhill all the way to Freiburg. I was in a very joyous and agressive mood, singing the whole way with a devil-take-the-hindmost attitude. It felt great! I needed that kind of exhiliration as I have been feeling like Sisyphus on most of my riding lately.

Freiburg is a wonderful, authentic university city with a French atmosphere to it. It was paved with cobblestone streets (many closed to cars) and had the kind of shops one expects around campuses. There was a real variety of people, which made the scene pleasantly more chaotic than the typical, orderly German town. Although the city's architecture appeared to be from the Middle Ages, I later found out the city had been completely destroyed in the war and rebuilt on the original plan.

I still had the address of the German couple (Bernd and Ulrike) who I had met outside of Budapest, so I gave them a call. They invited me to stay at their place, so I biked on over. They gave me a room on the fourth floor of a condominium type arrangement. Their own apartment was on the first floor so I had as much privacy as I wanted. I could have spent a month browsing through the thousands of books (many in English) that lined all the walls of my room.

Bernd is a teacher of political science and German, and is a Christian Marxist in political perspective. He is about 50 years old. Ulrike, about 30, is a student of theology at Heidelberg University. She makes the commute to Heidelberg once a week. We spent the evening, liberally dowsed in an excellent German wine, in a free flowing discussion of all sorts of ideas and experiences. We talked at length about the Holocaust and Bernd freely discussed his sense of shame. I'd never talked so openly with a German about this sensitive issue. I was impressed by the fact that, despite two teenage children, the couple had neither a car nor a television. The reasons for this was obviously not economic, as they had a very comfortable apartment filled to the brim with books and expensive furniture.

Bernd invited me to stay "as long as I like". Little do they know I would like to stay a week or two. I am emotionally, psychologically and physically exhausted. For the last couple of days I have been having dizzy spells and have felt weak. Every climb has felt like Mount Everest. Also, I have had little enthusiasm for anything but reading and conversation, although I do not consider myself depressed. I think I am realizing some of the negative aspects of my prolonged solitude, and the fiasco with Jon.

August 25, 1992

Today is the 20th anniversary of my marriage to Marlene.

I went into Freiburg to do errands and found a couple of books (Henry Miller's "Black Spring" and Richard Wright's "The Outsider"). When I went to pay for the books, the owner said they were "kaput" and that I could have them for free! That made my day. I am now on the Freiburg University campus, but have no idea which department because, for some unknown reason, the Germans have an aversion to putting signs on their buildings.

I spent the morning wandering the streets of Freiburg. The city has something I have never seen before--channels of water running alongside the streets (medieval sewers?). They are about half a meter wide and have fast flowing water (about 5 cm deep) running through them. They are very soothing for some reason, even if you need to watch your step while walking.

When I returned to Bernd's I found the family in an uproar. Bernd was screaming at his children and seemed in an all-around foul mood. This mood lasted the rest of the evening. Given this situation I decided it prudent to depart tomorrow rather than stay an extra day.

August 26, 1992

78 km through Wiltnau to a forest hut outside Kanderin.

I was feeling great this morning and decided to take the hilly route to Tochtnau. After 9 km I came to a sign saying "12% grade for 12 kilometers". No thanks, there's no way I want to tackle that hill. So, back to Freiburg and the less strenuous route suggested by Bernd. This route went through rolling vinyard country, with fruit trees everywhere (apples, pears and cherries). Since the fruit was nearly ripe I gorged myself on apples and pears which seemed to help my energy considerably. Because of the grape vines the countryside felt more French than German.

There was a light rain during the morning, but since then it has turned hot and humid. This is usually a portent of a thunderstorm (and I have been hearing occasional thunder claps for the past half hour). I had been on a long climb through forested terrain when I came across a hiker's hut located about 50 meters from the road. Because of the threat of storm, I've decided to try to stay here for the night. I have no idea what the rules are for these huts. It has a stove and some picnic tables inside and out. It looks like a great place to spend the night.

I was very upbeat for most of the day. My energy level was high, as was my enthusiasm. I actually enjoyed a lot of the climbing. I guess that yesterday was a day of recovery.

Bernd is an odd character. He is a Marxist in political perspective, and obviously a left-leaning intellectual. At the same time he has the compulsiveness I’ve found in many Germans. Although the house appeared somewhat disordered, it quickly became apparent that it was an "orderly disorder" in Bernd's mind. He knew where everything was supposed to be, and made sure it was put back there if it was moved. I also detected a touch of dogmatism in his ideas (another German trait). I would have liked to have had a full blown discussion/argument with him but his English was a little too shaky. It will certainly be nice to be around English speakers in the future. Not only can I freely express myself, but I won't have to feel like a dolt because I am too lazy to learn the language. I hate that image of Americans, but unfortunately it has a ring of truth. When it comes to learning languages, I am lazy.

CONTINUE ON TO SWITZERLAND